Tech Support

This was sent to me and I have  written it here with very little editing. It is rather clever and has things to say both ways – not only in the way it laughs at the male quirks but also in what is considered desirable behaviour and outcomes…in the eyes of some. Maybe I am feeling rather cynical at the moment

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable program, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed.

Desperate.

 

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment package, while Husband is an operating System. Please enter the command: ‘http:I thought You Loved Me.html and try to download tears. Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember – overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband. In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional hardware to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck from Tech Support.

postage-stamp

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About David Adlam

I am a conductor, composer, clarinettist and examiner for Trinity Guildhall working in Auckland, New Zealand and overseas
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